Religion Struggles...

OK- here goes another just super honest blog- I am sorry if anyone is offended by but, it's just where I am right now and my story and my struggle.

Doesn't everyone have a First
Communion picture like this??

It's safe to say that currently I am struggling to find my religious "home." I grew up Catholic attended 12 years of Catholic school, attending Mass every weekend with my family.  My family always went to Saturday evening Mass and afterwards we would go out to dinner.  It was pretty much the one night a week we ate out- it became our normal Saturday night- sometimes we would go out to dinner and then stop at Blockbuster to rent a movie!  It was special treat and a fun family night growing up.

I was actually a very good practicing Catholic until I began college. I went to college away from home and just never found a Church there.  However, even before I went to college- Mass had long become just a routine I would sit through. I just people watch and wonder how many people just came to Mass once a week thinking it was their pass for the week- were they really living their faith once they left? The homilies often made me mad- I began to criticize parts of the sermon and question parts of my faith.

I in no way have ever questioned God- I believe in God.  I know for a fact there is some higher power watching over us and guiding us if we let Him.  But what I do question is people's interpretations of The Bible- it's so very easy to interpret Bible stories/lessons in a way that gets followers to believe and act a way that is favorable to their own beliefs.

I also do not like the business aspect of the Church.  I know that it is in fact a business and that for parishes to survive they have to have money supporting them.  But I personally have seen an ugly business side of the Church where people were not treated in a very fair, respectful or understanding way. I know that one situation or person should not affect my entire faith but it is just more fuel that makes me question the interpretation/ manipulation of people in a position of religious power.

My other struggle is I want to get my son Baptized but my husband and his family are not Catholic which means no one from his side of the family are eligible to be Godparents.  We were married in the Catholic Church but because he is not Catholic our marriage is not recognized in the Church.  This bothers me- he is judge because he is not like everyone else and not fully accepted- shouldn't a Church be accepting of every person and welcoming everyone.

One thing that has stuck with me is from a World Religion class I took in high school- I found it so interesting that so may religions have similar stories. This only reinforced my belief that there is a God but people have just interpreted God and miracles in different ways and call Him different names.

I question why any religion only focuses on the differences instead of the beliefs that we all share.  Why do we say there is only one true religion- isn't it kind of arrogant to just disregard millions of other people's beliefs.  Why is any Religion given the power to judge another person based on a belief or lifestyle? Isn't it better to believe that God truly loves all people and that if we are a good kind person that helps others, and makes that world a better place that will be an enough for Him to grant us eternal life and salvation?

This is my belief and because of it I am struggling to find a new Faith home. I want my son to grow up in a Church, to learn about Religion, Faith, God and The Bible. But I also want to honestly stand behind this religion and know how to answer questions when he comes to me to ask- why is this, why do we do that?   How can I ask and teach him to believe something I am not sure I fully understand and agree with?

I want to create a Saturday/Sunday tradition where we go to Church and then share a meal as a family.  But I am not sure where to go- if I should explore another Faith or if I give the Catholic Church another try.  I am stuck and confused.

JS